‘Patience is a virtue’, well, it’s not really a virtue I possess. I’ve never been very understanding or forgiving either. Nobody’s perfect, I’ll admit that much, but until recently I sat quite comfortably on my imaginary high pony, judging sometimes too harshly those who I considered were not as righteous as I though myself to be.
I’ve always had strong opinions, and I’ve never been one to budge on these, something that has sometimes been criticised by friends, family and even my boyfriend. Not really about silly things, but about topics I’ve taken a firm stand on, like abortion for example, I understand and respect that women have a right to choose but I personally associate abortion with ending a life, and would never do it. Then again I’ve never carried an unwanted child product of abuse or anything of the sort, so I can’t really say how I would react in that situation (thank God).
In the forgiveness front I’ve always been very harsh with people in my life, my philosophy has been ‘fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… nope that won’t happen because you’re not getting the chance!’. I’ve lost quite a few ‘friends’ for thinking this way, but I maintain that some of those didn’t deserve a second chance, some may have but it’s too late for that now. These days I try to be a little more forgiving, after all I’ve made some mistakes too and been granted forgiveness a lot quicker than I would have given it myself. I still ban from my life those who have harmed me in truly unforgivable ways but I like to think that as I’ve grown I’ve learned to get over the silly mistakes we all tend to make.
In relationships I always said I don’t forgive beaters or cheaters, and if the latter happens then the person in the relationship isn’t the only one to blame, the willing participant who knew about the absent partner is just as guilty. I stand firm on my beaters view, anyone who thinks it’s ok to vent their anger by beating on someone they claim to love is clearly not someone I want to have around. Now the cheaters view, I have come to realise, is not as black or white as I once thought, circumstances have a lot to do with it and sometimes it’s just not worth losing a loving and committed relationship because of a one off, clearly stupid mistake. To err is human and we all screw up sometime.
When it comes to serial cheaters however, I do think it’s imperative to get rid of the bastard, second chances are allowed, we all make mistakes after all, but if you have to give someone third, fourth, fifth, and 100 more chances, then clearly it wasn’t a one-off mistake, it’s a pattern that regardless how many times they apologise they’re clearly just going to do it again. In those cases you just need to decide how many times you’re going to let someone walk over you before you finally stand up for yourself.
I think as I’ve matured and made some mistakes of my own I’ve learned a thing or two and adapted to life as it evolves. I’ve heard that ‘we learn something new every day’, and as far as my life lesson is concerned, I think what I have learned, maybe not today but certainly in my recent past, is that life isn’t as straight forward as I wish it was, it’s not all right or wrong, black or white, yes or no … the world is made up of shades of grey and maybes.
Until next time… Smooches to all xXx
