STORY OF A FAN

When I was 12 years old I walked into my bedroom one day to hear music blasting from under my bed. I looked under it and saw the little black cassette/radio player my dad had given me as a gift a few weeks earlier. He had recently passed away and the little black player had been confined to its box in the back of my closet, so what was it doing plugged under my bed?

I remember the song that was playing, ‘We’ve got it going on’ an upbeat single from this American band called the Backstreet Boys. I don’t know why but hearing that song, it was the first time in weeks I’d felt happy and actually started jumping around my room dancing to the beat of the boys.

I never found out how the radio got there, nobody in my family owned up to the deed, and it seems silly but at the time I believe it had been him, his spirit, who had somehow found a way to help me leave the sadness behind and put a smile back on my face. That was 1997 and I have been a Backstreet fan since. Who would have thought that moment would become such a big part of who I am.

When I was 14 I had my heart broken for the first time, my first crush had stolen my first kiss, which I romanticized until I found out he’d only done it as a bet and didn’t actually like me. Millennium had just been released, the perfect mix of sad songs (Show me the meaning of being lonely) and angry ones (Don’t want you back), to express the way I felt.

When I was 16 (year 2001) I saw them for the first time, back to back concerts in Caracas and Maracaibo on their Black and Blue tour, of course I went to both. Black and Blue is actually my favorite BSB album, I’d listen to my boys tell me how I deserved ‘More than that’ and I should ‘Get another boyfriend’, oblivious at the time to how right they were.

At 17 I started dating a boy, this was not a crush, this was my first love, the typical bad boy everybody warns you off, but you just won’t listen. I did a lot for this boy, went against my friends and family, left them to move to his city under the ‘University’ excuse and 8 months later he broke my heart with no explanation. The explanation came a few days later when he said ‘if you’d slept with me we’d still be together’. My boys were right after all.

As the years went on, and the albums were released, the boys helped heal broken hearts and dry my tears, when I was happy there was always a song I could jump around to and when I was sad they could sing my feelings better than I could say them out loud. Nobody ever really understood my loyalty to them, and as I grew older people started insisting I was too old to be a fan, they told me I should behave like an adult, grow up. They told me the Backstreet Boys didn’t even know I existed, that I would never meet them, that I should just give up.

Fast forward to 2011, I am 26 and on Saturday December 3^rd I proved all those people wrong. The place was the Backstreet Boys Cruise, it was a prom themed night and I had gone all out. Big pink princess dress and tiara in place, I settled with my friends to watch the show, when the boys announce they will be picking girls to sing to. ‘No way’ I though, ‘they’ll never pick me’.

Nick Carter starts walking up those stairs to the back of the auditorium, full of girls in pretty dresses, and he stands directly in front of me. In a matter of seconds my BFF Hattie points at me and yells ‘pick her’, Nick looks right at me, smiles and extends his hand for me to hold. That moment he led me down the stairs and on stage and sang ‘Helpless when she smiles’ at me, and I can’t even begin to describe hearing those lyrics come out of those lips while he hugged me, held my hand and I stared straight into his beautiful blue eyes.

What are the odds that from all the girls on that boat, Nick Carter, my true first love, even if a platonic one, would pick me. I hugged and kissed all the boys that night, and even if just for a moment, they saw me, they knew I existed and they made my dream come true. So for all of you who said I was too old to be a fan or go on that boat, for all of you who said it was time to stop wearing pink, for all of you who said my dream would never come true… that moment was for you. Don’t ever stop believing.

Until next time… Smooches to all xXx

FAIRYTALES & HEARTBREAK

Most choices in life aren’t easy, if they were easy they wouldn’t be choices because they would just be the natural option, it is when you have several alternatives and don’t know what you want that you make a choice, and more often than not, it’s a hard one to make.

I believe in natural instincts, they tell you a lot about a person and when someone’s first instinct is to do whatever pushes you away, you reach a point where you can’t fight anymore, swimming against the current is just too hard.

Leaving someone you care for is never easy, but it’s even harder when you placed all your hopes and dreams on that person, when despite everything you still love them and made plans for a life together.

Choosing to leave all that you wished for behind is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but when you reach that point of no return, when you just can’t bear the hurt anymore, when the good no longer outweighs the bad, there really is no other option, because the alternative, to stay with someone who claims to love you but acts like he never did, that is no choice at all.

Actions speak louder than words ever could, and those three little words we all yearn for, completely lose their meaning when the person who says them is constantly breaking your heart. Lucky for me my heart can’t be broken anymore, because there is nothing left to break.

Starting over is hard to do, especially when you feel you have given everything in you and there is nothing left to give. As a rational adult I know that’s how it feels now but that won’t last forever, but as a hopeless romantic I wonder if I will ever be able to love this way again.

I think happy endings are like unicorns, something mythical and beautiful we hear about but never really get to see in the flesh, not me anyway, I have had happy moments and happy memories but never a happy ending, in my experience endings always tend to be sad.

Life, and especially relationships, are no fairytale, but just for one day, for my broken heart’s sake, I wish they were.

Until next time… Smooches to all xXx

RECYCLED HOMES

During my five years living in England I became a keen recycler in an attempt to help Mother Nature a little, something I could never do when I lived in South America. Unfortunately in most third world countries recycling is very low in the government agenda and virtually non-existent in people’s minds, which is a shame considering we all share the planet so we should all be helping it out.

Now that I’m back in Hispanic land, and trying to find local recycling schemes in Bolivia, you can imagine my wonder upon hearing about a little town with recycled houses. Yes that is correct, these are houses made almost entirely of non-reusable plastic and glass bottles of all brands, shapes and sizes.

Apparently this is a concept that has been adopted in a few South American countries to try and help people in poverty who have no home. Here in Bolivia the woman in charge is Ingrid Vaca Diez, who has made it her mission to help out the people in the town of Warnes, where she grew up. She depends entirely on donations, not just of bottles but also a few building bits and pieces necessary for a good foundation, and the houses are built with the help of volunteers and the town’s residents, also giving them a new skill for future work.

The houses themselves don’t take long to build once they have all the necessary things, only about 20 days, the preparation phase is the long one. It takes about three years to find the 30.000 glass and plastic bottles needed for each house. These are then filled with sand and glued shut. They then need to find all those building essentials like cement, wood for doors/frames, paint, floor tiles and metal rods for support, which unless donated have to be purchased. Building one of these houses costs an average of 8000 dollars per house, plus A LOT of time and effort.

It’s amazing to see a scheme like this, which not only helps people in poverty be able to have a decent home, but also by re-using all those bottles otherwise destined to landfill. At the moment there are more than half a dozen bottle houses in Warnes and a few scattered around other South American countries, which Ingrid has helped build, and according to her, there are many more to come.

To find out more about this project or to contact Ingrid Vaca Diez for any donations, check out her website: http://casasconbotellas.com/

Until next time... Smooches to all! xXx

LESSON NEVER LEARNED

It’s been a week since the untimely demise of the talented and controversial soul bird Amy Winehouse and I just can’t help but thinking ‘how could this happen… again?’

Not necessarily because of the shock factor because let’s face it, ever since she stepped into the scene Amy was a train wreck waiting to happen, it’s the culture of it all that gets me. Surely after so many wasted talents these people would learn? Personally I’ve never been a part of life in the fast lane, surrounded by drugs, endless booze and celebrity worship, I can’t know exactly how I would react in that world but I do know that if my lifelong ambition was a career in music I wouldn’t throw it all away for the road to perdition.

I just can’t seem to grasp what it is about a life of self-destruction that is so appealing? What ever happened to all those little boys and girls with big dreams of stardom that wanted to have their place in the world and be heard? Where were all the parents and managers supposed to be guiding their career when they were taking the wrong path? And why on earth can’t they finally learn to say NO or at least ENOUGH?

Music and film history is full of gifted yet tormented artists who starved, snorted or drank themselves to death, because they couldn’t cope with the life they once craved, they were incapable of learning from the mistakes of their predecessors and unable to handle the demands and expectations of those around them. If only they could stay on their path or get back on it if they stray, we might be able to enjoy their art longer but then again maybe they are extraordinary because they are tortured talents, maybe being brilliant comes at a price.

I was never a fan of Amy Winehouse but I did love her music, it’s a shame such a unique voice was silenced before its time. Let’s just hope that the rest of those fallen starlets can find their way back before it’s too late.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

WHAT'S YOUR TRUTH?

‘Truth’ is defined as ‘that which is in accordance with fact or reality’. I personally always thought of truth as an absolute concept, like maths, unless you get the numbers wrong you can only really get one answer, the right one. But these past few years, particularly these past few weeks, I’ve come to realize that truth is a relative concept, it’s subjective and it varies depending on the parties involved.

It’s right what they say, that ‘truth is in the eye of the beholder’. I believe every incident has at least two realities, depending on who you ask and the number of people involved in the disagreement. This is because people interpret things in their own way and like it or not end up mixing their feelings with the situation, so in reality no one is sincerely truthful, I don’t think this is done on purpose it’s just human instinct, but when trying to decide what really happened I think it’s always best to hear all accounts and take it from there.

On the other hand, as my good friend Dr. House has said on numerous occasions: ‘Everybody lies’. Be it because they are ashamed of something they said or did and just can’t admit it, or maybe they are concerned about what others may think of them or how the situation will affect their lives, either way it’s always a good idea to take into account a person’s personality and traits, how many times has that person lied to you in the past (that you know of)? Would a fib be out of character? Do you trust this person completely?

Anyway, what I’m getting at is a truth is only real and unchanging to the person who said it or believes it, whether it’s all made up but that’s your story, or as an outsider you honestly believe that to have been the case. Take a couple dealing with infidelity for example, she believes he cheated, he swears he didn’t, even if he is being honest and never even looked at another girl, once it got in her head that he cheated it was a difficult thought to get rid of, she became paranoid and started imagining scenarios in her head when he may have lied, so it doesn’t matter what his reality is because she has a completely different one and the truth is once people convince themselves of something it’s pretty hard to get through to them. You have your truth and I have mine.

In conclusion, I might start recording all my conversations… just in case.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

TO LOVE AND TO LOSE

As the Backstreet Boys so wisely sang ‘Love is what the trouble is’. I have heard so many times that Love moves mountains and conquers all, and in some fairytale relationships that may be true, but sometimes Love just isn’t enough.

Relationships are a funny thing, there are all these unwritten rules to follow and games to play, and the expectations, this belief you have that your partner wants the same things you do, but do they? Or are they just telling what you want to hear? I find that it’s only in the eleventh hour, when things get real, when the game is over, when it’s too late, that the truth comes out.

Peyton Sawyer (Hilarie Burton - One Tree Hill) once said ‘Losing your heart's desire is tragic, but gaining your heart's desire is all you can wish for. So if that's tragic, then give me tragedy’. I guess this goes along the lines of better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, and in this respect I’m one of the lucky ones, because I have loved and I have lost, I’ve gained my heart’s desire and had the tragedy of losing it, but was losing it really that tragic?

Olivia Wilde (Dr. Remy ‘Thirteen’ Hadley in HOUSE) said of the end of her marriage: ‘The end is not necessarily the tragedy. Staying in a relationship that is no longer working is the tragedy. Living unhappily – that’s the tragedy’

And I can see her point, it’s so easy to stay in a relationship out of comfort, because it’s better than facing the truth that it’s over and neither one has the heart to pull the plug. You’ve created this fantasy in your head of what your life will be like with this person and the thought of destroying that is unbearable, but to realize you’re alone in that fantasy because your partner doesn’t share your desires, it makes ending that fantasy a little easier, heartbreaking none the less, but easier.

A wise man once said ‘You can have anything in life if you’re willing to sacrifice everything else for it’. According to Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo – Grey’s Anatomy) ‘what he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you’re willing to lose’. Personally I believe in risking it all for love, but I don’t think it should be done alone. Love is a two way street, so why should one person take all the chances and make all the sacrifices? I think that sacrificing it all is only worth it when it is done for someone who would make the same sacrifice for you. Love is a battlefield and when you realize that you’re the only one keeping you together, that if you give up and it all ended the other person would not fight for you, that’s the moment to surrender and let it all go.

As Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor - How I Met Your Mother) said: ‘Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things.’ Ending a relationship is hard, specially when the two people in question still love each other, but when the relationship no longer has a future, as heartbreaking as it may be, going your separate ways may be the best way of giving you both a fighting chance at finding true love.

I leave you with the wise words of coach Whitey
 Durham (Barry Corbin - One Tree Hill): ‘The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.’

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

FINALLY BROOKE DAVIS!

Spoiler Alert! Do not read if you haven't seen the show!

Brooke gets a baby! Sorry for the spoilers people but if you are a hardcore One Tree Hill fan like me then you already know this! You would also know that for us Brooke Davis supporters this is HUGE!

B. Davis is (in my opinion) the sweetest, most deserving of happiness character on OTH, yet for eight seasons the writers and producers of the show just insist on causing her heartbreak over and over again. Since the beginning of the show when her love Lucas choses her best friend Peyton over her, the failed relationships, the emotional scars left by parents who would substitute love for money and her constant battle to gain her mother’s love and approval for starters.

As the show progresses Brooke starts her own company, Clothes Over Bros and then loses it after mama Davis choses the company over her, she is physically assaulted, recovers the company and then loses it again after her mother lies to investors. She also meets her true love Julian and loses him because of supermodel/actress Alex, and nearly drowns when a drunk driver pushes a car with her and Jamie into the river.

Last but not least, since season five B.Davis has numerous encounters with motherhood (the one thing she yearns for the most) with Angie, the baby she helps save, Sam, the teen who she fosters and gives a chance of a better life and Chloe, the young girl who after deciding to give her baby up for adoption to Brooke and Julian changes her mind in the delivery room, breaking her heart yet again.

But in Season eight Brooke Davis finally gets a break, her relationship with her mother is finally one of love, her and Julian ‘the one’ Baker have worked things out and have a fairytale wedding and in episode 20, after all the hurt and pain, she finally gets the one thing that could make her complete, she gets pregnant!

I’m sure the writers and producers of OTH will find ways to bring more drama and complication to her life, but for now, even if just for a moment, Brooke Penelope Davis finally got her well deserved happy ending. It was about time.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

GLEE-NSPIRATION

As you probably know I am a self-confessed sitcom addict and one of my addictions, naturally… is Glee.

One of the latest episodes (for those who follow it on the American schedule) was inspired on the queen of controversial electro-pop Lady Gaga and her totally in your face, kick ass song ‘Born This Way’

Now, just like Gaga, Glee has many hardcore fans but also some seriously harsh critics, I myself am a big fan of both. I don’t get why people diss on Glee so much when most of their episodes usually tackle an important issue in high school youth, of course it’s slightly more dramatic and artistic on Glee but it doesn’t change the fact that they are shinning a light on issues like bullying, racism, stereotypes, dealing with homosexuality and homophobia and in this last one self acceptance and appreciation.

The Born This Way episode really hit a spot with me because it focused on those things that we all wish we could change and learning to accept that, which is something that I have been struggling with lately. I’m not talking about physical things here but those things we can’t see. Sure, when I was growing up I really wanted a nose job (thankfully it never happened) and I will probably never stop trying to shift those few extra kilos I haven’t ever been able to get rid of, but the real thing I wish I could change about me is the lack of belief I have in myself.

I’m good at a lot of things and unfortunately self-doubt and sabotage seem to be on that list. I can do so many great things and when I put my energy into it and go the extra mile I always get results I feel proud of, the problem is actually starting the things I need to do because my fear of failure is so big that I just get this recurring voice in my head that says ‘you can’t pull this off’ or ‘you’re not good enough for this’, I guess I just feel that if I don’t try I can’t fail but what ‘Born This Way’ (both song and episode) has made me see is that if I don’t try I can’t succeed either. My t-shirt would say SELF DOUBTER... although I think I'm ready to believe in myself a little more now.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

Bring it on 26!

As you may or may not know it was recently my birthday and since I think everybody should have a birthday post, here is mine… better late than never!

All the reasons I loved being 25:

* I celebrated 25 in a theme park: Thorpe Park in company of friends

* I saw Grease: The Musical in London’s West End

* I moved to London and had my first real Media job and made great friends

* I added another Eeyore to my collection thanks to BFF Jayne

* I moved back home and spent more time with family

* I planned a wedding and became someone else’s Bridezilla

* I saw my brother get married and gained a sister (in law)

* I had an amazing week in Cancun with BFF Hattie

* I saw one of the 7 world wonders, The Chichen Itza, and swam in a cenote

* I went on my first cruise with BFF Mibi and made some new friends

* I met… THE BACKSTREET BOYS

* I went to my first Cirque du Soleil show: Nouba

* I spent a family Christmas in Orlando with the Maune-Huerta fam

* I had 3 theme park days in the US with virtually no queuing

* I went to Hogwarts and conquered the dragons (front row)

* I went to my 5^th BSB concert with BFF Joselyn

* I finally got that Mario Hernandez bag I’ve always wanted

* I got to spend time with almost all my BFFs around the world, the ones in the UK, the ones in Caracas and the ones in Maracaibo (you know who you are)

Some of the reasons I will love being 26:

* I got to celebrate my bday with a weekend in Isla San Andres, Colombia

* I am actually acting on my new years resolutions (first time ever)

* I will move to a country I have never lived in and get my first solo apartment

* I will finally get that tattoo I keep going on about… if I have the guts!

* I will learn a new language, Italian probably!

* I am going on a cruise to the Bahamas with BFF Hattie and my California gurls

* I get to meet the Backstreet Boys… again!

* and more… much much more!

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

Plates and Plans and Cakes

Have you ever sat at the kitchen table and looked at your plate full of food but thought ‘I’m just not hungry’? well I’ve been doing that every single day for the past few months, of course mine is a metaphorical plate full of plans for life and my lack of hunger represents my inability to commit to something… I think.

I keep making all these plans for life, so far I’m moving to Texas to become a kinder garden teacher, learning French to get a Canadian residency, looking for magazine jobs in Colombia and TV jobs in Bolivia and living in Italy for a year to learn the language. Those all sound like great plans to me, the only problem is they all seem to stay as plans, I can’t do it all but since I don’t know what I want to do then I don’t do any.

It’s hard to figure out what you want out of life but I think I may have figured out my problem, it’s not that I have too many choices or that I want to do them all… it’s that I’m not being selfish. Sounds like a weird conclusion but it’s the truth, it would be a lot easier to decide what I want in my life if I took everybody out of the equation and just thought about myself, but that’s a little difficult since I aim to please.

You see, my mother lives in South America (Colombia for the time being) and as much as I love being with her she also drives me insane (and viceversa) so naturally I want to be close to her (trust me it makes sense in my head). My boyfriend, the man I might spend the rest of my life with, lives in England and is unlikely to ever move anywhere else (for more than a year anyway) and since I’m kind of in love with the guy then I also try to be close to him. My siblings are all based in and around America (mainly Texas) and also make me wish I was close to them. As for the rest of friends and family, you are all scattered around the world, living your lives.

So… my loved ones are my problem because in an attempt to be close to them I am distancing myself from my path (whichever that may be), I can’t please them all, I can’t be in Colombia, the USA and in England at the same time, and I can’t make my life choices based on them because what happens when they are not around? I feel lost. But I am ready to find myself and be a little selfish because at the end of the day I am the only one that knows what I want out of life, I think I know it anyway, I just need to figure it out.

I guess I can’t have my cake and eat it too, and since I am the kind of girl that never leaves a cake behind (metaphorically and literally speaking), I’m just gonna have to take a big bite of that yummy cake of life and see what happens. Cross your fingers and toes for me.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

Baby I'm Addicted...

They say the first step is to admit you have a problem, well, I have a problem, I’m addicted to Sitcoms, and when I say addicted I don’t just mean like them, I actually have withdrawal symptoms waiting a week for the next episode! It all started with F.R.I.E.N.D.S in the 90s and it was just downhill from there (figuratively speaking), I was hooked.

Living in South America I can’t really rely on some channel with a schedule to give me my daily fix so I get my shows online where I can watch them hot out of the American oven. Some of the shows currently bookmarked on my lappie (my laptop’s name) are Greys Anatomy, One Tree Hill, Glee, The Big Bang Theory, Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives, Burn Notice, 90210, Spartacus Blood and Sand and Private Practice... to name a few, and of course there have been those that have come and gone like Ugly Betty, Samantha Who and the recently deceased before its time Two and a Half Men (darn you Charlie!).

Now, with so many shows I usually manage to get my daily dose, however, it’s times like Christmas and Easter that are truly trying since most sitcoms take a month long break, but every cloud has a silver lining and the current slump is how I came to discover my latest addiction: How I Met Your Mother. I admit no program will ever be anything like F.R.I.E.N.D.S but I have to say that HIMYM is a pretty good not so sloppy second and takes me back to the good old days.

Instead of Central Perk we have MacLarens Pub. There are three male leads, Ted Mosby, the hopeless romantic in search of love, like Ross Geller but without the marrying and divorcing, Barney Stinson is the successful, devilish version of Joey Tribbiani, and Marshall Eriksen, the equivalent to Chandler Bing, is the comical and trusty best friend who struggles with his corporate job. The two females in the show are Robin Sherbatsky, the hot brunette with a mess of a romantic life and a tendency to date co-workers Rachel Green style and Lily Aldrin who is not only desperate for a baby but enjoys meddling in her friends lives, very much like Monica Geller but without the OCD (obsessive cleaning disorder). We are only missing a very essential Phoebe Buffay but the two girls do manage to provide many comical moments ‘a la Buffay’.

But if nostalgia for F.R.I.E.N.D.S is not a good enough reason to watch HIMYM, I can personally guarantee the hysterical plot lines and constant appearance of entertaining guest stars like Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, Sarah Chalk (Scrubs), Rachel Bilson (The OC), Mandy Moore, Nicole Scherzinger (Pussy Cat Dolls) and the entire repertoire of Victoria's Secret models will be worth your while.

My name is Nena and I am a sitcomholic.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx

And she's back!

Hello again, long time no speak/write/read huh? So… lots of things have happened since my last post, which partly explains the fact I created a blog and then abandoned it! I am no longer in the UK and now live in sunny Colombia. Things are kind of odd in my life at the moment, it’s like I’m in a constant state of c’est la vie!

Technically I don’t live anywhere and I’m just ‘staying’ with people until I figure out my next move, I had a stint in Houston with my brother, then Colombia with my parents followed by Venezuela with my cousin and her husband (who refers to me as the gypsy with the mac book pro) and now I’m back in Colombia.

You’d think I’d get bored of not having a job and doing nothing but I’m not actually doing nothing, turns out being unemployed means everyone assumes you have a hell of a lot of time (which is technically true) and therefore other people decide to constantly ask you favors, since you have the time and all, and give you a very long ‘to do’ list and since you don’t actually have a job you have no choice but to say yes. Not that I’m complaining, keeps me busy.

So far I have been a wedding planner, couples therapist, real estate caretaker, furniture salesperson and translator, hell I almost became an autocad engineer for my cousin’s company but that was just a bit much… weirdly enough I’m actually having a relatively stress-free good time. I’ve been able to spend lots of time with the people I love, most of whom also drive me insane, but what the heck, it’s entertaining!

Anyway point of this post is my life is anybody’s guess and there have been and will be big changes going on, one of which will be me paying more attention to this blog! I’d love to tell you what my crazy rants will be about but frankly I haven’t a clue so I’m just gonna play it by ear, I may bore you or entertain you, either way… watch this space.

Until next time… Smooches to all! xXx